Re Labeled

I have not posted in a few days because there really had not been alot to update on & to be perfectly honest I am not a very good writer. I finally received my surgery biopsy results, but before I go into that I''ll catch you up on the recovery progress. It's hard to believe that Monday will mark 3 weeks since my surgery. It seems like it happened so loooooooong ago, but I blame that on the waiting for the biopsy results from the surgery. I am definitely not a patient person when it comes to waiting on things like that, then again I don't think there are really to many people who would be..lol. I know the first week after surgery was awful, it was not so much the pain as it was I was just plain ole tired of lying around doing nothing. It seemed there was no comfortable position which I could find . To be honest my kester hurt from lying around on it almost as much as everything else..lol. They took the first two drain tubes out 10 days after surgery and let me tell you oh my goodness that was a pain like no other. I had all 4 of my kiddos natural and it was no where as painful as them taking them tubes out of me. I let out a yell and then the tears began to flow. I think it was very obvious how bad it hurt because apparently my yell was a little louder than I remembered because when I walked out into the waiting room everyone was staring at me, how embarrassing!!! Anyway they took the 3rd drain tube out this week along with my 90 staples ( good lord I looked like a sideways zipper..lol). I was dreading the tube being removed so much I sweating and my pulse was racing, the NP told me to relax and take deep breathes that this one would not hurt as bad as the other two did because it had been longer and my body had more time to heal. I thought to myself who's leg is she trying to pull ain't no way that a week is going to make that much of a difference. Boy oh boy was I wrong she pulled that tube out and by the time I felt the small pinch it was already out, whew what a relief!!! Now I am counting down to the removal of the last tube. Hopefully by the end of next week.I however believe that I am going to have to return to the doctor Monday or to the urgent care clinic over the weekend, because I believe I have developed an infection in the sight where the last drain tube was removed. The area has become hard ,swollen ,red warm, and painful. I am hoping I can hold out to Monday and just go to the doctor as it is such much cheaper that visiting an urgent care clinic. But if I develop a fever I am not going to wait or if any symptoms worsen. My arm is doing well according to the doctor. I am able to move my right arm really good considering, it just moves at a slower pace. It still feels like my skin has been removed and raw from th elbow up on the inside of my arm but with each day that feeling seems to subside a little. My chest feels like a rubber band that has been wound to tight but that is tolerable. I have had a couple of days where i look in the mirror and think how could anyone ever stand to look t me again, not only am I boobless but I look as if I have been mutilated, but I am quick to remember that I am alive and have so much to be thankful for. Everyone says the emotional roller coaster is one that all cancer patients go through. So I will take it one day at a time trying to remember to focus on the positive and not the negative. Because there is beauty in all things we just have to find it.
As for my test results, they finally came back Thursday. Once again things were not as we had hoped but everything is the way it is for a reason and I have to trust in my faith, whether I understand why it is that way or not. There were multiple cancer tumors growing, with the biggest one being a little over 4 cm. And 6 of the 9 lymph nodes they took out were positive. The doctor told us that she suspects that there are more of the lymph nodes deeper down that the did not get to that are cancerous..."how comforting"..NOT!! Anyway this all means that my cancer is not stage 2 , it is stage 3 IDC. The 5 year survival rate statistics are 57 %, not the best odds, but I intend to fight and survive this and improve those oddS! I still have to have a chest xray and a pet scan, so depending on those result my cancer status could change again. God I pray that this "monster" has not spread any farther than my lymph nodes! I return to the surgeon on the 20th. In the mean she had had a meeting and put together my team of doctors. I will have an oncologist and a radiologist. I have not met them yet, but those appts. are all in the works so we can get going. My doctor did tell me the plan of treatment is chemotherapy, then a small break to give my body a short period to recover then radiation, and when that is done I will go on a pill for 5 years. What started out as a small lump something the doctor thought was just fibrous tissue has sure turned into one darn complicated, overwhelming at times fight for my life. But I strive to hold my head high, and focus on the good that can come out of this, and am more than determined than ever to beat this so that I can proudly say I am one of many survivors!!! GOD bless you all!!!