Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Hurry Up And Wait

The waiting is the hardest part, but on the other hand I am hoping that the waiting is what is giving me the time I need to get other health issues under control so the plastic surgeon will start the reconstruction process immediately instead of having to wait till a later date. Well last Friday I went to have more mammograms, sonograms and the biopsies. It did not turn out as they had hoped. They were not able to nail down the areas that the MRI I had showed, so they were not able to do the biopsies. So this now means that I have to have MRI guided biopsies. From what the doctor said this sounds like loads of fun...NOT... Anyway I am still waiting on the call to tell me when this is going to happen, as the doctor who performs these was due to be out of town this week.
I have caught a terrible cough and cold that I just can't seem to shake, so I think I am going to have to go to the doctor for that. Normally I would just ride it out but as weak as I have already been feeling I am afraid to let it go on. Other than bit of news I am still just hurrying up to wait it seems. I will be so glad when all the test are done and we can get this monster that grows within out of me!!! I'll update as soon as I have more news. Till then everyone take care, and thanks for taking time to travel on this journey with me.....

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Alot To Swallow

Yesterday was the day I got to meet with my surgeon, and get my pathology reports. There is so much information thrown at you that it can be overwhelming at times. My one appointment with the surgeon yesterday turned into 3 appointments with 3 different people. By the time the day was over I was definitely physically as well as mentally drained. My pathology reports show that I have stage 2 IDC. My FISH Test was HER2 -, so that was a bit of a relief. The results from my MRI that I had Friday came back while I was actually meeting with the surgeon. Unfortunately it was not as favorable, it shows there are 2 more spots in my right breast where the original cancer was found, as well as 1 spot in my left breast. This means that I am have to have specific mammograms, sonograms, and possibly three more biopsy's on Friday to see if these suspicious areas are cancer as well. Good thing is that at the breast cancer center where I will have these test done work fast and I will have my test results by that evening or early Monday morning at the latest, so the waiting period will not be as long. I also seen another doctor yesterday as they feel it would be a benefit to be genetically tested to see if I carry the BRCA1 or BRAC2 gene mutation. I definitely want this test because if this is the case then it could affect the girls, and I want to protect them. Taking everything into consideration, it looks like I am facing a mastectomy on both sides. I also seen the plastic surgeon yesterday , what fun that was get measured and scoped out...lol.. We are hoping that the first step in the reconstruction will be started when the mastectomy surgery is performed but I have some other health issues that have to be addressed and resolved first. If not then it will be performed at a later date. This has been so much to swallow in such a short time. And some aspects of it weigh heavy on me, but I am trying to look at the bright side. It could have been worse, It will give me life to watch my girls grow, and to grow old with Kenny. And the most positive thing I can think o f is look out y'all I'm getting a boob job....lol..
On the more serious side of things cancer is a terrible thing. My mommy said to me she wished she could take this all away from me and it be her. And my thought was no mommy I got this and hopefully I have it so that I can spare my girls from it. I know I have a long hard road ahead of me, but everywhere I turn I find so many strong women who have been through this that fill me with hope and inspiration. And the support I have received from family, friends, and people who I didn't even know has helped to brighten my every day. Well I need to get some work done, remember to always show those you love how much they mean to you!!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

The Frusteration In Waiting

The past week has had it's ups and downs. My appetite has dwindled over the past few weeks. And 3 out of 4 times that I actually do eat a decent meal it makes me so nauseated I wish I hadn't eat. But on the flip side I have lost 13 pounds in the last three weeks. Hopefully my diabetes will benefit from the weight loss. It seems my body is also requiring much more sleep than it ever has, I think part of that is from the mental stress as opposed to the cancer.
I got back my test results yesterday from the biopsy. I have tested er+ and pr+, so I was a little relieved to hear that, knowing that my cancer should respond well to hormonal therapy. On the other hand I scored a 2 on my Her2 test, so that means I have to have another test. There is concern over this being an aggressive cancer with me having that score and taking into consideration how fast the lump came up and what size it has grown to in such a short time. I go for the MRI on Friday. I have my first meeting with the surgeon next week, I am hoping that all the test results will be back and we can get the ball rolling and get this "MONSTER" out of me. I have been told I have a hard road ahead of me over the next year. But I am ready to WIN this battle. The waiting is harder than actually comes to grips with the fact I have cancer. I am very blessed though, my family and friends have been such a great comfort to me. Their support and encouragement is inspiring and keeps me going when I am down. I will be going to a 38 work week next week instead of the 50+ hours I have been working for the past year. I will readjust my schedule as we progress in this journey as needed. I am hoping to maintain working some. I think it would drive me crazy not to work at all. But again we will have to wait and see. The next week is going to be the hardest, I am not patient when it comes to waiting! But I guess that is all a part of it, and I will make the best of it!

Friday, August 7, 2009

Newest Member Of The Club Nobody Wants To Be In

This is my first entry into where I plan to journal my journey with breast cancer. I decided to journal about my experience after reading several other women's blogs. It was very comforting for me to know I was not alone in the roller coaster of emotions I was feeling. A lot of you that read this know me, but for those of you who don't my name is Jackie. I am a 38 year old woman, a mother to 4 wonderful daughters, and fiance to the most wonderful man I have ever known.


It will be 2 weeks ago tomorrow that I discovered what I definitely knew was not supposed to be there. The following Tuesday I was sitting in the doctors office listening to him tell me, he was sure it was nothing to worry about. I was so young, and there was no history of a mother or sister who had breast cancer. He assured me it was just probably my body going through those normal midlife changes. He said he was sending me for a mammogram though because I had never had one and I was closing in on the age when you should have them on a regular basis. By Thursday morning I was sitting in the breast care center waiting for my first mammogram. The lady explained to me that they would take four pictures of each breast, then 2 additional ones of the one where the lump was. Boy was I relieved when it was done and there was no pain!! I had heard horror stories of how the mushed and squished you in ways that were as painful as giving birth..lol. After returning to the waiting area, it was not long before the nurse came back out ans said the doctor has requested another set of pictures. ( I was thinking to myself why more? What did he see on the ones we just took?) After going through a million scenarios in my head I figured they just were not as clear as he wanted them so therefore he had decided to retake them. While taking the next set of pictures the nurse informed me that they were going to also do a sonogram, she said not to worry this was something they did on anyone who had a lump just to get a better idea of things. Off to do a sonogram, the girl who was doing it was very friendly and explained everything to me as we talked while she sat her machine up. She started with the lumpy one. About 2 minutes into the test she stopped talking to me, the look on her face was one of "this don't even look right". After a long silence I asked is that area there the lump I am feeling. She replied yes, well it seemed like we spent a good 45 min. looking at that one area from this angel and that. Then we moved to the other side , which only seemed to take 4 or 5 min. She finished up and told me the doctor would be in to speak with me. When he came in he was very to the point. I am concerned with what I am seeing on the mammogram and the sonogram. He said he definitely could rule out a cyst, and felt there was a need biopsy to be performed as soon as possible.First thing Monday morning I was back in the office having a sonogram guided biopsy. They told me that I would know the results by late that evening or early the following morning at the latest. I thought to myself "WOW" these doctors don't play around. Monday had to be the longest day of my life, finally late that evening the call came in. I can remember hearing those words, your biopsy is back and it is cancer, and thinking to myself did I hear what I think I heard. My mind was racing, my kids my family, oh my GOD what am I going to do. My youngest girls stood there beside me with my mommy, anxiously waiting for me to tell them what the results were. I vaguely remember anything else the doctor said, it was as if I was on auto pilot. Yes mam, no mam, thank you..."THANK YOU" for telling me I have cancer. I can only remember hanging up the phone and looking at my family and saying well I guess I was wrong.. I have cancer. And as to be expected the emotions were overwhelming.


Now here I sit 4 days later. Ah, the waiting is the hardest part, I have to have a MRI next Friday, then I meet with my surgeon the following week. I just want to get this process going and get what I call this "MONSTER" out of me. I still don't know what stage I am in or anything more than it's cancer, and that's driving me crazy. The one sense of relief that I did gain was knowing that after 4 months of not feeling well, tons of test that kept coming back negative, and $15,000.00 later , that I am not crazy I really am sick.. ..(Welcome to the club nobody wants to be in!!). Anyway I hope to journal a few times a week here as I go through the steps of beating this !!! I want to keep upbeat here, but I plan to journal about my whole experience the good and the bad. My first entry has turned out to be way longer than I had anticipated.